Double Trouble

One of this year's friends is half of a set of identical twins. I have Thing 1 and my coworker down the hall has Thing 2. Honestly, I sort of got lucky here, because Thing 1 is a whiny, tattle-tailing, immature, easily over stimulated bundle of irritation, but Thing 2 is aggressive, defiant, and incessantly loud. Yeah, if I have to have one of Double Trouble, I'll stick with Thing 1, thanks!

Thing 1 came to me via the special ed preschool program. Kindergarten is either his 3rd or 4th year in our school (I can't remember if he had 2 years with SPED or 1). I think it was 1 year of exclusively SPED, 1 year of 1/2 time SPED and 1/2 time regular PreK, and now me. Regardless, the point is, you would think by now Thing 1 would have some clue of how to behave at school. You would think WRONG, my friend, so wrong!

Let me digress for a moment to say, if you aren't actually that familiar with 5 and 6 year old children, they are some of the most black and white thinkers in the world. There are no shades of gray for the typical K kid. Which is what makes it so hard for them to accept others like Toddler Girl, who's entire life is pretty much gray scale. Thing 1 = the king of black and white!

So, needless to say, Toddler Girl drives Thing 1 batty! Thing 1 will not sit by, line up by, stand by, play by, be by Toddler Girl EVER. If he accidentally winds up within 4 feet of her he starts backing away, loudly saying "Oh NO! I am NOT by HER! I don't LIKE HER!" Thing 1 and I have had numerous conversations about Thumper's Rule (if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all) and about how he might need to think those things about Toddler Girl but he shouldn't let them come out of his mouth. Doesn't really help, because Thing 1 has this stream-of-consciousness verbal diarrhea going on most of the time. Truly, he likes to narrate his day, although I'm not sure if he does it for his own benefit or the rest of us. So, Toddler Girl and Thing 1, not a good combo.

Then we consider the dynamic of Thing 1 and Van Gogh. Thing 1 and Van Gogh were not in the same PreK class, although they know each other from the playground and some combined class activities. Thing 1 really enjoys the sound of Van Gogh's screams. Thing 1 will go out of his way to find ways to make Van Gogh scream and cry. Remember when I said Van Gogh lost his f'ing mind because someone kicked over his block tower, resulting in an earsplitting tantrum and the sudden appearance of Mrs. Pop? Yeah, that would be our buddy Thing 1! Thing 1 will argue with Van Gogh simply for the sake of arguing, so a conversation between them might be VG: I have a dragon toy! T1: No you don't! VG: Yes I do! T1: No you don't - until VG starts to bellow. So, Van Gogh and Thing 1, not a good combo.

Thing 1 loves to find reasons to tattle on others, tattles which are always told in this drawn out, high pitched whine that makes me want to shove sharp pencils through my ear drums. Toddler Girl is his favorite tattling subject and an easy target, although he's an equal opportunity tattler. He frequently advises me that I should make the subject of his tattles flip a card, although having to flip a card himself is a sure trip to Tantrum City. And honestly - Thing 1 flips a fair amount of cards, mostly because he cannot keep his hands, feet, and all other objects to himself!

On Thursday of this week Thing 1 took home an unhappy note from me. He'd had a rough week, with lots of cards flipped for hitting, kicking, pushing, and generally being physically aggressive. In his defense, he is 1 of 5 children in his 2 combined families, 1 of a set of twins, and has an older sibling with severe autism - I think being physically aggressive might be a defense mechanism at home! That aside, he has got to cut it out at school. So I sent home a note. As it happened, the day I wrote the note had been a rough day across the board in our classroom and I had invited Mrs. Pop in to talk to my class at the end of the day about not hitting, kicking, pinching, etc. As she was talking Thing 1 pulled a toy car out of his backpack and began to play with it, rather loudly. I shook my head and frowned at him, he smiled sweetly and ran his car along the arm of the girl next to him. I reached down and took the car - Thing 1 began to scream. "I want my car!" he wailed. Mrs. Pop stopped, frowned, and said sternly "Thing 1! I am TALKING! You need to be quiet and listen!" "I want my car!" "Thing 1! QUIET!" "I WANT MY CAR!!!" At that point Mrs. Pop (gently) stood him up and removed him from my room. We could hear his screams echoing down the hall as she marched him to her office. I was now faced with the unpleasant task of telling whichever of his adults was picking him up that day that he was in the Principal's office and he/she would need to go retrieve him. As it happened, both mom and step-mom were there (they have an amazingly cordial relationship) and both sighed in unison and apologized.

The next day Thing 1 handed me a note back from his mother. She apologized again, assured me that all 4 of his parents had talked to him about it, and asked if I had any suggestions to help control his behavior. What? Parental support? No excuses? Blow my mind why don't you? Anyway, I promptly wrote back and told her that Thing 1 had just had an especially hard week, I still thought he was a sweet and wonderful kid (which he is, under the whining and all) and that my suggestion was that, for now, I would send home a behavior note each day. It's a little form I have that lists all the card colors, has boxes to write in why cards were flipped, and a place to indicate whether the child received a warning first, whether he/she went to the safe seat, to the time out room, or to the office. Thing 1 and I talked about it as well (he told me repeatedly he didn't WANT a behavior note, like that was going to stop me!) and I popped the first of what I am sure will be many in his folder.

Thing 1 does have some redeeming qualities, ones that keep me from shutting him in the closet "by accident" each morning. He's an extremely loving child, with lots of hugs to share and he loves to hold hands with almost anyone (Toddler Girl and Van Gogh aside). He tries really hard to do his work and doesn't give up easily, no whining that it's too hard or he doesn't want to do it. He's cute as a button - huge dark blue eyes in a freckled face topped by dark brown hair. He loves to be read to and wants to snuggle down with me and a book whenever we have a free moment. And he really, really, really wants to be good and is sorry when he is in trouble. Not sorry enough not to do it again, but truly sorry and sad that I am upset with him. He's not all bad, by a long shot, and I have a soft spot for him. I just don't want him to know that!

In other news, Toddler Girl's SPED testing is supposed to be completed this week ('bout freaking time! Drag your feet much there SPED?) and I'm rubbing my hands in glee at the thought of having a break from her during the day. My chat with the class about helping her and being kind has helped somewhat, in that the tattles have decreased and a couple of the girls are mother-henning her as I had hoped. She still takes up a disproportionate amount of my time each day, but we are doing the best we can.

Van Gogh had a rough week as well (think it was something in the air?) and did not manage to keep his card green 1 day all week. Which was very upsetting to him, because he only needs one more punch on his good behavior ticket to get into the treasure box. Darn that mean ol' Mrs. Kindergarten and her stupid rules about not hitting/kicking/screaming in people's faces!

And Princess? Not much to report there. Queen Mum somehow found my school email address (I'm just glad it wasn't the home one!) and now emails me on a near daily basis with questions, concerns, comments, etc. Ah well, emails are easy than phone calls, right?

So that's it for this week's update. I'm not quite sure which friend I want to write about next week. I'll have to watch for any interesting stories to crop up!