Mrs. Kindergarten

Reason #532

2009-03-02T18:02:00.000-08:00

Why Mrs. Nurse sucks!

So I got her the precious doctor's note clearing me to return to work. When I went to turn it in on Friday she wasn't there and the sub nurse (a sane and lovely person who normally works in a different building) wasn't sure what to do with it, so I gave it to one of the secretaries and went on my merry, itchy-eyed, way.

Guess what I found in my staff mailbox this morning? Go ahead, GUESS! That f'ing DOCTOR'S NOTE without which I was forbidden to return to school, a note in Mrs. Nurse's handwriting scrawled across the top "I don't need this." WHAT? I immediately stormed her office, note in hand, and thumped it on her desk, right on top of whatever she was working on. When she looked up, blinking in mild amazement, I said "What do you mean you don't need this? You SAID I couldn't come back without a doctor's note! I waited an extra 10 minutes at the office for this note!" She smiled a fake smile and said "Oh, I just had to see it, I don't need to keep it. You put it in your files, ok?" I wanted to file it up her nose!

Just don't touch my eye

2009-03-01T07:40:00.001-08:00

Thursday morning I woke up with sore eyes. I staggered to the mirror and blinked at myself in disbelief, peering at the scarlet red hue of my sclera. After a quick check in the corners - no discharge of any color - and a semi-lengthy internal debate about calling for a sub, I decided to tough it out and see the doc after school.

When I arrived I sought out Mrs. Pop, knowing that if this was one of the mornings that Queen Mum dropped off Princess that she would have kittens at the sight of my ruby-red peepers. Mrs. Pop recoiled at the very sight of me and asked me to go see Mrs. Nurse.

Sidebar - Mrs. Nurse and I have a long, unhappy history with one another. She feels I send too many kids to see her, I feel it's her damn job to see them when they complain for more than an hour about a headache, stomach ache, or general "I feel yucky". In addition, one of my sons has a chronic condition that requires daily trips to Mrs. Nurse for evaluation and possible intervention and we butt heads over his care frequently.

Mrs. Nurse immediately and loudly declared "That's pinkeye! You cannot stay here today!" Trying to control my frustration I rebutted "It's not pinkeye. I've had this before. It's a viral infection, not contagious, I'll be fine until the end of the day. When I have pinkeye I weep green and yellow snot out of my eyes. No snot, no pinkeye!" Mrs. Nurse clinched her mouth like a cat's arse, and called into the office for Mrs. Pop. When Mrs. Pop arrived she once again declared I was contagious (in a tone that would have been appropriate for a plague carrier) and I must leave. Mrs. Pop hastily agreed and I decided to shut up - why argue with a bonus day off?

I had to go sit uselessly in my classroom for an hour until an emergency sub was rounded up, forbidden to touch anything or anyone. Eager Beaver, the reading director, was kind enough to step in and teach for me during morning circle, reading time, and the beginning of journals until Mrs. Yeller arrived. Mrs. Yeller - the most dreaded and always last choice sub, a sure sign that we were scraping the bottom of the sub barrel. I cornered her by my desk and gave her a quick blunt soliloquy about NOT engaging Van Gogh in a power struggle, then toddled off to rest my poor sore eyes. As I passed her office Mrs. Nurse popped out and said "You may not return without a doctor's note." I looked at her and half smiled, thinking she was surely teasing. Stonefaced she repeated "I mean it, you will not come back without a doctor's note stating that you are not contagious." What am I, five? I can't be trusted to actually go to the doctor and make sure that whatever is infecting my eyes isn't going to wreck what little sight I have left? Tinpot dictator!

I did make it to the doctor that afternoon, where he declared I have a viral infection and the only way I could pass it on to someone else was to rub my eye against their eye - not something I'm prone to doing! When I told him I needed a note clearing me to go back to work he laughed, sure I was kidding, then stared at me in disbelief. After a second the nurse interjected "Let me guess? Mrs. Nurse told you that." When I confirmed it Dr. Eye and his nurse both laughed, in that "it isn't really funny" way and after Dr. Eye left to write my note his nurse leaned over and said "Mrs. Nurse used to work for us. Let's just say she didn't leave under the best of circumstances. She's being vindictive." So I left Dr. Eye's office, clutching a letter, rx'es for 2 different kinds of eye drops, and the knowledge that I'm not the only one who finds Mrs. Nurse a PITA.

When I came into school Friday morning there was a fairly positive note from Mrs. Yeller on my desk and no cards flipped - to me, a sure sign the sub was either not paying attention or a pushover. Within minutes of my arrival Eager Beaver came in, bursting to tell me that she had stopped by my room during end-of-the-day centers to discover Mrs. Yeller sitting calmly in my rocking chair reading a mystery novel while my class ran wildly around the room, throwing things at each other and screaming. FABULOUS! Eager Beaver, knowing that I maintain a fairly tight ship, assured me she stepped in, made them clean up the mess and calm the f*ck down, all while Mrs. Yeller continued to read her book, completely ignoring everyone else in the room.

Usually if a sub leaves a good note for the class I will reward them with a point towards an extra recess. This time - I told them the good note was cancelled out by Eager Beaver's report and that I was soooooo disappointed in them. They will have an end of the day sub on Thurs. so I can take Will to the dentist - if it goes poorly there will be repercussions! I might just have to rub them with my eye!

Two For One ISS Special

2009-02-21T06:48:00.000-08:00

Ugh, yesterday was quite possibly the worst Friday of my teaching career, EVER! Ok, that is, barring the horrid field trip earlier this year - so maybe second worst Friday evah!

Van Gogh has had a horrible week, full of screams, tears, thrown objects, and bad choices. He has flipped cards, visited the counselor, taken home unhappy notes from me (because his mother does not answer her phone EVER) - nothing stopped him. It kills me because I know some issue is eating him alive and he will not, or cannot, tell me what is wrong. He's just angry at the world and lashing out at everyone within 10 feet of him, verbally and physically. I want to help him, not punish him, but he won't let me in or possibly he doesn't even actually know what is bothering him - either way, he is drowning in his own emotions. Yesterday was the straw that finally broke the proverbial camel's back.

It all started when Tattlin' Queen came in and said "Look Mrs. Kindergarten, somehow Van Gogh's math paper got into my folder yesterday. My mom said to bring it back to him." I praised her for bringing it back and asked her to give it to him. Van Gogh took one look at it and began screaming at Tattlin' Queen for "stealing" his worksheet. She immediately welled up in tears and came running to bury her head in my waist, Van Gogh following behind scarlet faced, waving the worksheet, and ranting about how stealers go to jail. I gave Tattlin' Queen a quick hug, moved her behind me and got literally 2 inches from Van Gogh's face. Once we were eye to eye and practically nose to nose I snapped "STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! She did you a FAVOR! She did not STEAL your paper, it somehow got into the wrong folder and instead of throwing it away she brought it back to you. You should be THANKING HER, not making her cry!" Van Gogh paused briefly, then began to mutter about how yes, she did steal his paper, and he wasn't going to thank her for stealing it, blah, blah, blah. Completely frustrated I marched over to the intercom button, snapped it on, and asked for either Mrs. Pop or Mrs. Counselor to come to my room immediately. Van Gogh panicked and started wailing "Why do you need them? I'm sorry, I'll stop, don't call Mrs. Pop!" and then collapsed into his chair into a sobbing screaming ball. Within seconds Mrs. Counselor appeared at my door. I quickly filled her in, she shook her head, and escorted Van Gogh from the room. He was gone about 10 minutes and came back tear stained but subdued. He gave stilted apologies to Tattlin' Queen and me, then hurried to finish his morning paper before it was time for reading groups to begin.

Hoping that was it for the day, I bravely forged through the rest of the morning. Toddler Girl rejoined us just before morning recess, as always. She was proudly waving a small bag of fruit snacks that Mrs. SPED had given her for some good behavior. I told her to put them on her table and get her coat on, that she could eat them during snack later in the day. The class tumbled out the door to recess and I breathed a sigh, so grateful it was my 1 day a week off of recess duty and that I had 15 minutes of peace and quiet. When the class returned Toddler Girl came rushing up to me, frantically demanding "Where my candy?" Distracted, because I was setting out the pieces for the math game, I murmured "on your table honey, go put your coat away." Toddler Girl began to dance in agitation next to me and said insistently "No! Where my candy?!?" I looked over at her table and noticed that sure enough, the bag was gone. I said "Hmmm... did it fall on the floor? Is it under someone else's coat?" and as I started to walk over to the table to investigate one of my little girls rushed over, pulled on my arm, and then whispered in my ear "Tattlin' Queen took it. I saw her eating it at recess."

I glanced immediately over at Tattlin' Queen, to see her watching me cautiously, rather like a wild animal about to bolt from danger. "Tattlin' Queen, please come here" I said in a no nonsense tone of voice. Reluctantly, ever so slowly, she made her way over to me and stared at the ground. In my best teacher voice I said "Tattlin' Queen? Did you take Toddler Girl's candy and eat it?" "No!" she insisted, looking at the ground, in a breath that smelled strongly of fruit snacks. "Tattlin' MiddleName Queen! If you lie to me, you are in even bigger trouble! You SMELL like candy. Did you take Toddler Girl's candy and eat it?" Tattlin' Queen looked at me and slowly nodded yes, then rushed out "But she said I could have it." At that Toddler Girl began to wail "NO! You not have it! It MY candy! I good girl, I get candy!" I looked back at Tattlin' Queen and said in my most dramatically sad tone of voice "I am so disappointed in you. You stole Toddler Girl's candy and made her so sad. You will need to go talk to Mrs. Pop about this."

Side bar - this is far from the first time Tattlin' Queen has stolen in our class. As a matter of fact, Sticky Fingers would be an equally valid blog name for her. Chapstick, pencils, stickers, artwork - it's all fair game to her. I have had her flip cards, talked to her mother - the petty thievery continues. Which is probably why Van Gogh made such a big deal about her "stealing" his math paper. Except Tattlin' Queen does not willingly return that which she has taken, so I'm 99% sure it actually was a mistake. Ironically, I had her big sister in class 3 years ago. If I had been blogging then she would have been the original Sticky Fingers! That year whenever anything turned up missing I would pat her down and/or search her backpack before I even bothered looking around the room. 9 times out of 10 it would be in her possession and she would look at me with those huge baby blues and claim to have NO IDEA how that got into her pocket. As if other people's chapsticks (her favorite target) or treasure box items just magically appeared in her pocket and she couldn't stop them. Can't help but wondering what adult behavior has been modeled for these girls that both sisters see stealing as a perfectly valid way to get what you want in life...

So off Tattlin' Queen went, office pass in her hand, and tears rolling down her face. About this time the aide from Mrs. SPED's room appeared to pick up Toddler Girl. I filled her in on the incident and asked her if she could please ask Mrs. SPED to replace the candy, or if she couldn't replace it, email me so I could replace it with something from my stash.

We made it through our math lesson with relatively few incidents or outbursts - Van Gogh started to tantrum once, but I loudly cleared my throat and looked pointedly at the intercom button and he pulled his shit back together. Toddler Girl reappared, triumphantly waving a new pack of fruit snacks in her hand. I told her to put them on my desk, where they would be safe, until snack time. Then I had to giggle because she didn't just put them on my desk, she shoved them under a stack of worksheets and then announced "There! No one find now! SAFE!" I breathed a sigh of relief on the way to lunch - the most academic part of our day was over, it's fairly easy coasting from there until the dismissal bell. I should have known I was jinxing myself!

At the end of lunch I heard screams coming from my class' table. Leaving the table where the teachers eat, I rushed over to find a scuffle going on between Van Gogh and Mr. Perfect. Seems that Mr. Perfect had accidentally spit on Van Gogh's glasses - you know, when you talk and suddenly a little spit flies out by accident - and Van Gogh took this as a personal insult and a reason to wrap his hands around Mr. Perfect's neck and shake him like a rag doll. Mr. Perfect was screaming and crying in terror and pain, Van Gogh was screaming and crying in blind fury, and the rest of the lunch room was dead quiet, staring at our table in disbelief. Of course, not a principal in sight, even though there is ALWAYS supposed to be one of the in the lunchroom at all times! I separated the boys, with the help of Mrs. Counselor - she took Mr. Perfect off to the nurse to have the red marks on his neck examined, I frog-marched Van Gogh to the office. As it happened Mrs. Pop was standing right there by the secretary's desk, so when we tumbled in the door with Van Gogh screeching "I'm sorry, I SAID I'm sorry, I don't WANT to see Mrs. Pop, why can't I just be SORRY?" she looked up in shocked disbelief and was able to quickly take over. I ground out the story between clenched teeth and she turned and stared at Van Gogh as if he were a bug. "Ok, Mrs. Kinder, I'll take it from here" she said, then added "Please send his things up to the office, you will not see him again until Monday." Which meant Van Gogh was headed for a very unpleasant afternoon of a phone call home followed by ISS and I was anticipating a lovely, quiet, scream free rest of my Friday.

When we returned to the room and the class realized that both Van Gogh and Tattlin' Queen were in ISS for the remainder of the day (I refer to it as School Time Out) they were a very subdued bunch of kids. We wound up having yet another class meeting about treating others the way you want to be treated and making good choices and I'm sure many of them had fabulous stories to tell their parents last night!

Then, just to make sure the day sucked as much as possible, Farm Boy's mom, who also teaches at our school, stopped by my room yet AGAIN to ask me if I thought he needed to be retained. She's made it clear that's what she wants to do, I don't know how to tell her that retaining him is not going to fix his particular set of issues. He's a great kid, sweet, cheerful, always happy to help or share with anyone - and has one of the worst undiagnosed cases of ADD I've ever seen! Poor Farm Boy can't focus on anything for any length of time, it's not that he's being naughty, he simply cannot do it. Mom doesn't want to hear this isn't something he will grow out of, she wants it all to be immaturity, and I have to tread very carefully because she's a mom/coworker.

62 days left in this school year and quite frankly, the end of May cannot come soon enough! This will not be one of those classes that I mourn giving to First Grade, this one be one of those classes I all but push out the door on the last day, merrily chirping "Bye! Have a great summer! Good luck in first grade!" while eyeing the First Grade teachers and evilly thinking "just wait!"

Updates

2009-02-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I haven't written in over a month! The end of December and all of January were a horrid blur of stress, family problems, monetary issues, and the feeling that I was running as fast as I could on a sheet of solid ice to try to keep up with everything. Blah! Here's hoping February is better!

I've lost two friends in the last 4 weeks, both moving to the same neighboring district. That makes me the smallest K class in my building by 3, so guess who's in line for the next several new friends who move in? I have to go in to school this afternoon and rearrange the seating chart, both at their tables and on the gathering carpet, to account for the holes left by our departed friends. I worry about the one who was moving this weekend - he's a sweet quiet kid, the youngest in a notoriously bad family and the white sheep among black. He's also a struggling reader with absolutely no home support. He has come SO FAR in the last couple of weeks, finally mastering all of his letter sounds and beginning to understand how to put them together into words, I hate losing him just when it's starting to click!

Since it has been so long, I thought I would do an update post, and hopefully be able to introduce a new friend next week.

Princess - King Daddy make it home from the war, safe and sound, just before Winter Break. Princess has been buddying up with Thing One, a bad choice on her part. Late last week they were both whispering, giggling, and tickling each other on the carpet during story time. After a couple of reminders I made them both go flip cards and sit apart from each other. I got an email from Queen Mum before I left that afternoon, protesting that Princess had NOT been talking, it was all Thing One (because she was there in the classroom, you know, not 5 miles away taking care of Crown Prince) and it was unfair that Princess had flipped a card when another child was bothering her. I was at the end of a very long day, and she was my third uptight parent contact of the day, so my response was a fairly terse "yes, she WAS talking, she deserved to flip that card, have a good day" sort of message. I forwarded her email and my response to my admin. team, in case she decided to escalate her complaint and promptly left for the day. Nothing more has come from Queen Mum, so I guess she decided perhaps I might possibly be more aware of the events in my classroom that she is.

Van Gogh - I'm actually starting to enjoy this little man! I never EVER thought that would happen, but we've managed to move from daily, sometimes hourly, tantrums to maybe 1 or 2 a week. In the meantime I have found a reward that he really wants - if we can make it through the day with no tantrums I will play a game or two of checkers with him during centers time. He asked me several weeks ago if I would teach him how to play, after spotting an old checkerboard on the games shelf in my closet. I was hesitant at first, fearing that he would not be able to handle having his checkers jumped and taken off the board. We had a long talk about how the game works and that if he threw a fit over being jumped I would immediately walk away from the game. Much to my surprise his standard response to being jumped is to say "Hmmmm..... you are a TRICKY one Mrs. K......." and then study the board intently to try to keep it from happening again. I think the orderly rules of checkers appeal to Van Gogh's OCD tendencies and for a six year old he is very good at the strategy of the game. The first few games I held back, wanting him to win some and lose some. Now, I have to pay attention to the board or he dominates!

Thing One - my half of Double Trouble has settled down and improved his behavior so much that I have been able to discontinue his daily behavior report! He still has his moments of immaturity and/or teasing Van Gogh, but day in and day out I'm able to enjoy him. As I suspected, when Eager Beaver, our reading facilitator, tested everyone to be placed in ability based reading groups in Jan. Thing One tested out near the top of the crop and is in the high group. From what I understand from Thing Two's teacher he is still struggling with behavior issues and still taking home a daily report, usually with lots of cards flipped, so I maintain my feeling that I'm happy to have gotten the half of Double Trouble that I got!

Southern Belle - Bless her heart, she just almost can't stand these subzero temps and told me wistfully that she misses wearing shorts and going to the beach every weekend. She has finally found her place in the pecking order of the classroom and is no longer standing on the sidelines every recess, sadly watching the others play. I did wind up buying her a stocking cap and gloves to keep at school because she never had them and was always complaining that her ears and hands were "sooooo cawld!" I usually keep a basket of stretchy gloves in the room for children to borrow if they don't have gloves of their own, but I bought her a special pink flowered set to keep in her cubby. I will let her take them home in April, once I'm sure we won't need them at school anymore.

Toddler Girl - Once she got past the shock of being back with us, I think Toddler Girl is thrilled to be in our class again. She is talking so much more than she ever did before, to the delight of everyone, and actually trying to play with the other children instead of just parallel play. Spending her mornings with Mrs. SPED has done wonders for her - she can now write the first 3 letters of her 10 letter long name and is starting to understand better how to behave at school. Poor Toddler Girl got extremely sick with the flu and missed nearly a week of school recently. Now that she's back I have to monitor her carefully for any signs of fever, cough, or lethargy and she has a special nutritional supplement she has to drink at snack time instead of milk because she lost 7 lbs off of her already tiny frame.

I'll try to get back to posting at least once a week! I still want to introduce Pukey, Tattlin' Queen, and Farm Boy sooner or later!

No, tell me what you REALLY think!

2008-12-29T07:48:00.000-08:00

Right before Christmas the family and I went to a large department store so I could buy 2 more of those blasted Webkinz to put in Will and Robby's stockings. I don't actually dislike the Webkinz, I think they are cute and the games are great, I dislike the $15 a pop price tag! But, I digress from the point of my story.

Hubs distracted the boys by dragging off to look at shoes with him, while I quietly slipped to the opposite side of the store where the Webkinz could be found. I looked over the rather sparse selections, picked 2 I thought they would like, and got in line to pay. There was 1 person in front of me, an average looking woman, and I thought to myself "Score! I'll be in and out before the boys even notice I'm missing!"

While we were waiting for the cashier to return from helping a customer on the floor the woman's tweenage daughter came out of the dressing room. She was wearing a white button up long sleeved blouse, a gray high waisted skirt with a skinny belt, and black flats. A conservative look for today's tweens, but still very cute and fashionable. The mother wrinkled her nose and said "Absolutely NOT, you look like a school teacher! Go take it off!" I know, no comment was required of me at this point, but the imp on my shoulder prompted me to say mildly "There's nothing wrong with being a school teacher." The woman whipped around, laughed, and said in a scornful tone "Well, I CERTAINLY hope she does more than THAT with her life!" Now, where I come from, them's fightin' words! I fixed her with my best teacher glare and said "Gee, THANKS!' She looked at me uncertainly, then with dawning dismay as I continued "I've only been a public school teacher for 13 years. Nice to know that my contribution to society is so valued!" The woman had the grace to blush and then stammered "Um.... well..... I mean..... it just isn't a job that pays very well, that's all I meant." Holding her in my icy stare I snapped "You don't do it for the PAY. You do it for the KIDS. I've taught over 150 children to read, what have you accomplished in your life?" Face absolutely scarlet, the woman whipped around to face the counter, completely disengaging from my confrontation. A moment later two cashiers came over and one waved me around to the other side of the counter. Where, as I completed my transaction, I have to admit I continued to glare at Mrs. Foot-in-Mouth on the opposite side, who was desperately looking anywhere but at me.

I related this story to Hubs as we went back out of the store and he was absolutely livid with me. He HATES it when I call people on their ignorance in public and tells me routinely that my mouth is going to get my ass kicked one of these days. My standard retort is that some people clearly don't understand exactly how offensive and narrow minded they sound and they need a wake up call.

So, the morale of today's story - never insult a profession unless you know who you are talking to!

The Return of Toddler Girl

2008-12-20T07:27:00.000-08:00

Due to a sudden blast of winter weather, we actually missed school on Monday and Tuesday this week. When we arrived on Wednesday the class was chomping at the bit to see Toddler Girl. Unfortunately, for unexplained reasons, she missed school that day. But Thursday morning she was shepherded into my room by our guidance counselor, wide eyed and stone faced - clearly overwhelmed by the squeals of joy to greeted her appearance in our doorway.

Luckily for her, I am very much a set-in-my-ways, dependable as clockwork, orderly sort of teacher so very little in our room or routine had changed in her month away from us. That first morning was spent in a state of shocked disbelief, but by lunchtime I noticed some signs of thawing and by afternoon it was almost like she had never been gone. She slipped right back into our classroom, filling that Toddler Girl sized hole we had in our midst. We were all delighted to have her back, even Thing One and Van Gogh.

Thursday afternoon the head of the SPED dept. came down to visit with me. She wanted to assure me that Toddler Girl's SPED paperwork was all signed and in order and to fill me in on a few comments Toddler Mom had made while they were going over the papers. In the interest of not totally violating her right to privacy, suffice it to say that there is good cause to believe many of Toddler Girl's issues are directly related to her home environment and the sort of care she got as a baby and toddler. It was heartbreaking to hear all that she has been through in her 5 short years and I have a whole new level of patience with her. I may be the only person in the world who actually gives a damn about her and her development, if everything Mom said to SPED Head is true! I thought I had finally developed that crusty shell that older teachers have, that allows you to love the kids without breaking your heart over them. Toddler Girl has found a crack in my crust and is quickly worming her way in next to my heart.

I can't wait to see what the new year brings for my little classroom family!

And the cycle spins

2008-12-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt like writing recently. There has been a lot of stress in my life the last couple of weeks, most of it related to a huge financial snafu that totally wasn't my fault. Without going into the entire story, suffice it to say Discover SUCKS and their customer service line couldn't be less interested in helping when the huge whopping mistake is undeniably THEIR FAULT! *deep cleansing breath*

Anyway, on Friday, as I was helping my kiddos do a really fun measuring worksheet that involves running madly around the classroom and measuring various objects with your hands or feet - what? I have to teach nonstandard measurement, I might was well make it fun! - one of the speech pathologists slipped quietly into my room. She walked over and whispered in my ear "Guess who is up in the office RIGHT NOW?" I thought for a second, then a bubble of glee spread through me as I breathed "Toddler Girl?" with great hope. The speech path nodded and grinned and I burst into a spontaneous ear to ear smile of utter delight. I know, I complained about her when she was here before, but I have worried and thought about her every day that she was gone and honestly, I am tickled pink to have her back. It was nearly lunchtime, so I hustled my class through tidying up and getting hands washed, in the hopes I would be able to catch Toddler Girl in the office while Toddler Mom was still filling out paperwork and give her a welcome back hug. No luck, I missed them by minutes. But the secretary assured me that Toddler Girl will be rejoining my class on Monday!

I tracked down Mrs. SPED to let her know that Toddler Girl was back, and unfortunately she wasn't nearly as thrilled by that news as I was. Her response was an eye roll, a huge sigh, and "GREAT!" in a sarcastic tone. She cheered up a bit when we discovered that the other school had indeed succeeded in getting Toddler Mom to sign the SPED paperwork, so Toddler Girl is ready to start SPED after winter break. Yes, I agreed to keep her in the regular classroom for this last week before winter break - we aren't doing anything THAT academic that she will be too much of a pain in the neck and the kids will be so thrilled to see her that I don't want to take her away from them immediately. I told the class right before we left on Friday that Toddler Girl would be back on Monday and the overwhelming reaction was joy, which was heart warming to say the least. I worked so hard to get them to love and accept her for who she was and what she could do and the fact that they greeted the news of her return with clapping and yells of happiness made me feel like I had succeeded.

So my little classroom family will be complete again. This has been an unusually stable year - Toddler Girl is the only one who has moved out and she is back, we've only had 1 other student move in (Southern Belle) and she has been with us long enough that she no longer feels like "the new girl". I love stable years, they really let the class build tight bonds of friendship and give me a chance to utterly fall in love with my kids!

Thankfulness

2008-11-22T06:15:00.000-08:00

Rather than focusing on an individual friend this week, I am going to adopt what my friend C. calls the attitude of gratitude and think/write about those school-related things for which I am thankful.

1. I am thankful to have a job I love. The stories I tell here are mostly the horror show ones, because let's face it - they are the most entertaining to retell. What I don't write about are the moments of joy, like when Thing One wraps his arms around me, bats those navy-blue peepers, and says adoringly "I looooooovvvveeee you Mrs. Kindergarten!" Or the stunned happiness on the face of Southern Belle when she realizes she just read that word by herself and she is quickly becoming a reader, just like her adored and idolized big cousin. I know that in our country there are millions of people who get up each day and drag themselves to jobs they detest, just to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. I am so lucky to have a job I practically skip to each morning.

2. I am thankful that we are in the part of the year where the kids know the rules, the routines, the procedures, the daily schedule and I can relax a little and be sure if I steal 5 minutes of centers time to clear some papers off my desk they will continue to (for the most part) play nicely even though I am not hovering right there.

3. I am thankful that I work in a school where we don't have a lot of drugs or violence. My school feels safe, for both students and teachers.

4. I am thankful that my grade level team gets along relatively well and we have very little infighting and absolutely no tattling on each other to the principal. There have been big personality issues in some of the upper grades in the last few years, and big dramatic blow outs between teachers that echoed down to the lower halls. The kindergarten teachers might get impatient with each other occasionally and disagree over this or that, but for the most part we work really hard to keep it pleasant and cooperative within our team.

5. I am thankful for one particular team member, who always sits next to me at staff meetings so we can trade whispered snarky comments about the administration and the utter farce that is NCLB. On the surface we have absolutely nothing in common - she's almost 10 yrs younger than me, single, childless, very dedicated to her church, very outgoing where I tend to be somewhat shy and reserved. But we have a very similar sarcastic sense of humor and we just click somehow. To the point that if the team has to break down into smaller groups to work on a project she and I always latch onto each other. We aren't BFF, but you might think that if you saw us at school!

6. I am thankful for a support staff - lunch ladies, custodians, secretaries - that do an awesome job keeping our school running day in and day out. The custodian on our hall is an older black man with a James Earl Jones voice and shoulder length dreads. He stands out just a bit in our white-bread midwestern town! I'm going to call him Edgar - obviously not his real name, but close enough. My younger son, Robby, ADORES him and follows him around every afternoon "helping". Edgar is so tolerant of this - surprisingly tolerant for a man who has no children and told me once he always knew he didn't want kids - and "pays" Robby in mini Hershey's bars for turning the vacuum on and off and putting the trash cans back after Edgar has emptied them. Robby thinks he wants to be Mr. Edgar when he grows up!

7. I am thankful for the wonderful teachers who have my sons in their classes this year. Will, my eternal pessimist, has always hated anyplace he had to go that wasn't home. Hated going to his grandma's house when she babysat him, hated going to the daycare after grandma got too sick to babysit any longer, hated preschool, hated kindergarten.... see a pattern? However he L-O-V-E-S first grade and I lay most of the change of heart squarely at the feet of his energetic, funny, wonderful teacher. They have just clicked, in a way he never has with any teacher/caregiver before, and he is having a stellar year. I am so grateful for Mrs. First Grade and the bubbly way she interacts with my Eyore boy! As for Robby, the eternal Mr. Sunshine in our family, I knew he would have a good year. His preschool teacher is a friend of mine, a very loving, organized, cheerleader of a teacher and Robby has taken to her like a duck to water. He also loves school and I think he has a little crush on Mrs. Preschool as well!

So that's the short list of things I am thankful for at school. Of course, I have to admit, I'm also thankful for the long holiday weekend coming up!

Update Time

2008-11-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

I had planned to introduce a new friend this week, either Pukey or Tattlin' Queen, but have decided instead to update on a few previously introduced friends and keep mulling over which girl to write about next. Or I might introduce Farm Boy..... decisions, decisions!

Toddler Girl - on Friday, slightly more than a week after she left, we finally got a records request from a school in a neighboring state. Which is a huge relief, because now I know she's back on some body's radar. Crossing fingers that this school will be more successful at getting her mother to sign that very necessary SPED paperwork than we were. The kids miss Toddler Girl way more than I would have anticipated. Southern Belle, who sat next to her at the table, has cried for her several times since she left and Tattlin' Queen has written several mournful entries in her journal wondering where Toddler Girl is and if she is ever coming back. Even Thing One has told me "I miss Toddler Girl, why did she have to leave?" on more than one occasion.

Van Gogh - ARGH! Just when I think we are making progress he has a serious backslide into tantrum-ville. This week was hard, on both of us. Wednesday AND Thursday I banished him to other classrooms for a time out to allow both of us to cool down, because I knew I was losing my grip and was afraid I was going to wind up being mean if I had to listen to one more whining crying tantrum over something insignificant to the rest of the world. On Thursday I sent a note home with him, rather vaguely stating he had a rough week and asking his adults to talk to him about better ways to express his frustrations. When I said "be sure you show this to your mom and dad" he glared at me and shrieked "I CAN'T show it to my dad, he's in JAIL right now, SHEESH!" Big light bulb moment, suddenly I understand why he has been a little ball of exposed nerve endings all week! So I scheduled him for some one-on-one time with our counselor the next day and made arrangements for him to check in with her every afternoon for a while, hopefully to help keep him in check.

Princess - Princess' daddy is supposed to be home from his deployment before Christmas and she is just glowing with excitement. I pray every night for his safety and that they will have a magical family Christmas this year.

Thing One - This kiddo is such a oxymoron to me! He's shaping up to be one of my top readers for the year, picking up those letter sounds and blending three letter words like a champ. But he's also one of the most immature 6 yr olds I have ever met. It's all about him, all the time. On Friday I sent another boy to the office with a praise note, because he had spontaneously cleaned up someone else's snack mess (instead of tattling to me that the other child left the mess, or making the mess worse!). Thing One turned emerald green with jealousy and started a lengthy whined out list of all the times HE had been helpful and why, oh why, WHY hadn't HE gotten a praise note? He absolutely cannot stand for someone else to have something good happen to them. And it's not the normal Kinder-Kid jealousy, it's an extreme version of ego-centric me-me-me.

Southern Belle - as I feared, our midwestern falls are too harsh for this little delicate flower. She spends much of the afternoon in her coat, shivering dramatically and telling me approximately eleventy-billion times that she is "cawld". What she is going to do when the snow starts to fall I can't imagine! And honestly, it hasn't been that cold yet! Just wait for the really chilly days of late Dec. into late Feb.! I love this kid, she's smart, well mannered, and so kind to everyone, but the oh-poor-me Sarah Bernhart bit does wear on me after a while.

So that's the latest. We are about to descend into the holiday frenzy that grips us for the 3 weeks between T-giving and Christmas. I'm considering doubling up on my anxiety meds to get me through those days!

A Short Break

2008-11-11T05:11:00.000-08:00

It's been a rough week and a half, emotionally. Both of my kids are sick, with different illnesses. Hubs has been going through some rather dramatic issues with his bio family. I am mourning the loss of Toddler Girl and worried to death because we still haven't gotten a record request so we have no idea where she is. One of our cats died. It's been a rough week and and a half, emotionally. I'll be back when I can pull it together.

Banging My Head

2008-11-04T17:08:00.000-08:00

Pardon me, do you have a brick wall handy I can use to bang my head against for a few minutes? Just until I can actually accept the reality of what happened this afternoon? Thanks!

The SPED teacher finally tricked Toddler Girl's mom into answering her phone. Tricked? Well, after many failed attempts to get her to pick up by calling her home number using the school phones, the crafty SPED teacher called Toddler Mom on her cell number using the SPED teacher's cell phone and lo and behold, she picked right up! Unfortunately, that is the only good news in this report.

Toddler Mom utterly refused to come sign the IEP paperwork to place Toddler Girl in SPED. Why? Because she is pulling Toddler Girl out of our school as of tomorrow. When the shocked and dismayed SPED teacher inquired about this sudden move she got a half mumbled vague excuse about Toddler Mom leaving Toddler Dad, so they will be moving to a new house, but she doesn't know where or when or what school district Toddler Girl will wind up attending. Matter of fact, she might just home school Toddler Girl for a while and see if she can't get her caught up, since we clearly aren't teaching her anything at school! She is not convinced that our tests are accurate, after all Toddler Girl is the youngest of her 7 children and she hasn't really noticed that she's any slower than the others.

GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK! This sweet lost little lamb tested out with a full scale IQ of 58! Are you f'ing kidding me? She functions on a 2 yr 7 month level! HOW can you not have noticed she is slower than the other children? Unless ALL 7 of your kids are MR? I guess that's possible...

So I'm unclear on whether today was Toddler Girl's last day with us, or if it will be tomorrow. My heart is cracked at the thought of her adjusting to a new school, new teacher, new class, new world. She really is a sweet loving little thing and the world is so confusing for her. Even worse is the thought of Mom "homeschooling" her to keep her out of SPED. That is NOT me knocking homeschoolers - I know some kick-ass homeschoolers right here in my little town and think it can be a great choice for some kids and some families. But not this kid and this family.

I guess the silver lining in this cloud of frustration is that Toddler Mom waited a little too long to make her move. We have finished all of our testing, all of the professionals at school have signed off on it, we only needed Mom's signature to make it official. So.... when and if we get a records request from a new school we can send them all of Toddler Girl's test results and hopefully THEY can get her into SPED. Or Mom will pull her again and keep pulling her until she finds a school that suits her twisted view of her daughter's abilities.

So frustrated by this. Poor Toddler Girl.

A Full Moon...

2008-10-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, a mid-week post! If anyone is actually reading out there (hello....hello.... hello?) you are probably almost as surprised to be reading it as I am to be writing it! But this story is too good to save for the weekend.

Every day, at the end of the day, we have centers. Now, in MY kindergarten, centers is teacher-speak for "play with the toys, develop some social skills, and kill that last 45 mins before we can go home because your little brains are way too fried to think anymore today!" Sure, I could spin some edu-talk about how the centers reinforce our daily learning, and sometimes they do, but for the most part it's playtime.

Today I spent most of the centers time in our class library, reading Halloween books aloud to various children. I may not be able to officially promote Halloween, but I get around it in sneaky ways such as putting out a basket of enticing books and making it known I would be more than happy to sit in my rocking chair and read to anyone who asks. Just as I finished my third reading of Big Pumpkin (I do a rocking witch voice according to Thing One!) a chorus of "Mrs. Kindergarten! Mrs. Kindergarten!! He showed us his BUTT!" rang out from the blocks corner. Scrambling to my feet I rushed over there to find Van Gogh and another boy pointing at a third, who was cowering in the corner and insisting his pants "just slipped". Van Gogh and Friend insisted that NO, he had DROPPED his pants and showed his butt ON PURPOSE! As I was evil eyeing all 3 boys, trying to decide via telepathy who was lying to me, who should stroll in by Mrs. Pop! Of course, I was fumbling for the right decision, I should have KNOWN she was on her way!

In this case I was actually glad to see her. I called her over, explained the situation thus far, and looked at her expectantly. Mrs. Pop seemed a bit taken aback, but rallied quickly and told me that she thought she would take Moony for a walk to discuss his "pants malfunction". Her words, not mine, but it took every ounce of self control not to LMAO at her choice of phrase! Mrs. Pop left with Moony, the rest of us began to tidy up the room in preparation for dismissal. Just before the bell rang a tear stained little boy slipped back into my room and Mrs. Pop's voice echoed from the intercom. "Mrs. Kindergarten? I have spoken to Moony's mother and the problem has been taken care of. He will not do it again!" Which can only leave me to believe that at some point Moony must have 'fessed up and admitted that properly fitting pants do not just slip down to your knees suddenly and by themselves!

So, a new friend to occasionally blog about - Moony McButt!

Parent/Teacher Conferences

2008-10-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

Parent/Teacher Conferences - a love/hate relationship! I like meeting the parents (many for the first time, sad to say) and filling them in on how much I adore their kiddos. I don't like having to discuss behavior or educational problems with parents who look at me cluelessly and claim earnestly that their baby is a perfect angel who reads Shakespeare at home, so they just don't know what my problem is at school! I even more dislike parents who don't bother to show up, or have the common courtesy to call and TELL me they are not going to show up, for our one and only face to face meeting of the year.

Overall, this year's conferences went really well.

Pukey's mom told me that she had actually prayed for her daughter to be in my class, and she knew we were the perfect fit for one another.

Thing 1's step-mom and dad were very pleasant and fully supported the behavior contract I have him on.

Van Gogh's mom didn't come, but she at least had the decency to send a note that morning saying their car was broken and she couldn't make it. I don't know if that's actually true or not, but I appreciate the notice as opposed to being stood up.

Southern Belle's mom said that her daughter "simply loves y'all at this school!" and how good she felt about the move.

Princess' mom is unhappy that we don't have homework yet, and doesn't think the program is quite challenging enough (never mind that Princess has not mastered all of the skills I have introduced this year and is not a child I would even consider recommending for the Gifted Program!). I assured her that we would start having homework after Christmas and suggested that she look into those lovely workbooks you can buy at most of the big box stores if she wanted to supplement Princess' academic day. What I wanted to say was "come on! It's KINDERGARTEN! She's SIX! Her homework is to run, and play, and make up stories, and listen to you read, and decompress after 7 hours of being told to sit still, focus, and listen."

Toddler Girl's mom - my only no-show of the night. Which didn't surprise me, but did piss me off since A)I sent a very blunt note home in TG's folder that it was very important Mom come because we needed to discuss TG's SPED testing and B) I had assembled an entire team to meet with her but she didn't have the shred of decency required to call the school and say "not coming". So now we get to hound her via USPS to come in so we can do an IEP meeting and get Toddler Girl the help she needs.

My big surprise of the night came from the family of a little guy I haven't introduced yet. He's a nice kid, somewhat hyper but not outstandingly so, with a great giggle and a winning smile. I think I'm going to dub him Mr. Perfect. Not because he is, but because that is what the family expects of him. Dad wants to know why I don't require Mr. Perfect to color every picture on every paper fully and completely, using the correct colors (no purple zebras in his world!), and staying meticulously within the lines. He also wants to know why I don't demand type-quality handwriting, especially when it comes to Mr. Perfect's daily name writing practice, and why I allow him to get away with such shoddy things as backwards numbers and invented spelling. Poor Mr. Perfect! In a typical day he's a typical kid, funny and open, well liked by his classmates. With his family I saw a whole new side - very quiet, very contained, hands folded and eyes downcast. Dad informed me, with pride, that Mr. Perfect is not allowed to cry at home, crying is for sissies and babies, and men don't show wussy emotions. I was also told that whenever Mr. Perfect flips a card (one card!) at school Dad takes a toy from his room and smashes it with a hammer to teach him a lesson. Dad doesn't feel that Mr. Perfect is always honest about flipping those cards and would like me to send home a note every time he flips a card so that he can correct the behavior. I told Dad that typically I only contact parents when the child has flipped 3 or more cards in a day, unless the child is a constant behavior problem and is on a daily behavior report from me. I assured him that his son, who has only flipped cards 3 or 4 times this year and then only 1 card a day, is no where near daily behavior report level and that I was uncomfortable being placed in a "tattle-tale" position for him. In my head I thought "well, then Mr. Perfect just won't flip cards, I'll come up with some other discipline at school for him" because damned if I am going to be the cause of a basically sweet and good kid watching his toys get smashed because he ran in the hall or pushed his way into the middle of the line. Seriously, who is THIS HARD on their five year old? If Mr. Perfect was killing small animals, setting fires, and threatening to blow my f'ing head off (like Terrorist Girl from my 1st year of teaching K) then I might understand the military-ish stance of Dad. But this is an overall good kid and even good kids make mistakes now and then. So I guess I'm going to have to monitor Mr. Perfect's work a little closer, in hopes of keeping Dad off his back (and mine!) but in my head I'm going to be thinking "you poor kid! Life isn't supposed to be this harsh!"

So conferences are mostly over for the year. I still have to somehow talk to Van Gogh's mom - either face-to-face or over the phone - and Toddler Girl's mom is going to come in and meet with me whether she likes it or not!

Toddling off to SPED

2008-10-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

Finally, after many days of looking at the SPED teacher and SPED director and saying "squeak, squeak, squeak!!!" (the squeaky wheel, get it?), they finished up Toddler Girl's testing. And lo and behold, she turned up with a developmental age of just under 3 and an IQ that puts her near the bottom of the mildly mentally retarded range. And when I heard that I also heard angels singing in the background because this means there is no doubt she is going to qualify for services, no doubt she is FINALLY going to get an appropriate education instead of just stagnating in my room. Now we just have to get her mother to come in to the school and sign the paperwork, which may be an ordeal all in itself. See, mother will not answer the phone when the school calls (we are convinced she looks at Caller ID, sees our school name, and walks away!) and will not respond to any notes we have ever sent home. I have her scheduled for an entire hour's block at Parent/Teacher conferences later this month, so that we can go over all the test results and convince her to sign the paperwork, but am not at all sure she is actually going to show up!

I asked the SPED teacher what happens if Toddler Mom doesn't show up for her conference. She said, with some degree of assurance, that we try again to schedule an IEP meeting with her and that we send her notification via USPS and if she still doesn't show then we place Toddler Girl without her direct approval. I didn't know we could do that, but nice to hear! Toddler Girl is not the first lil' darlin' I've helped place in SPED but she is the first one where I think mother is going to fight us tooth and nail to oppose the placement.

So, as I understand the plan right now, once we get all the paperwork signed and in order, Toddler Girl will spend the morning with the SPED program. All of our really academic stuff happens before lunch - reading, writing, math, etc. She will join us for both recesses and lunch time. After lunch she will stay with my class for special classes (library, gym, art, etc.), story time, nap, snack, and centers. That allows her to get her academics at her own pace and level during the morning, but be with her age-peers for socialization during the afternoon. During her morning SPED time she will also get served by the speech pathologist and the occupational therapist (kiddo has lots of fine motor issues, related to an accident about a year ago). Sounds very reasonable to me, holding thumbs that Toddler Mother will see it the same way.

So that news was absolutely the best part of my week! Otherwise, not much to report, no major highs or lows for any of my other friends.

The Farm, The Pumpkin Patch, and The Loony Bin!

2008-10-12T16:59:00.000-07:00

In my school district the Kindergarten teachers decided long ago, long before I joined their ranks, that a fall field trip would be just perfect. So each year we load 60-ish kids, 3 teachers (the other 3 classes go a different day), and assorted helpers onto a bus and shuttle the kids to a local dairy farm on the east side of town, a local pumpkin patch on the west side of town, the city park on the south side of town, and arrive breathlessly back at school - all in under 4 hours! No grass is growing under our feet, let me tell you!

Given the emotionally fragile state of my current class I was a bit apprehensive about the field trip this year. As it turns out, I should have skipped apprehensive and dove straight into f'ing terrified! By the time we got back on campus I was vowing, through gritted teeth and a blinding headache, that I would never, ever take this particular group of kids off campus again no matter WHAT fun activities the other 5 classes planned!

Van Gogh, it turns out, is extremely sensitive to unpleasant odors and has a hair trigger gag reflex. Ever been on a dairy farm? It doesn't smell like roses people! Poor Van Gogh spent our hour on the farm trying valiantly not to hurl and every time he would get near one of the cow barns or pens he would start to gag and have to back out, eyes watering, to find fresher air. I'm guessing the strain of holding back his gorge just wore him out, because once we hit the pumpkin patch he was tired, cranky, and spoiling for a tantrum. And let me tell you, when Southern Belle got picked TWICE during "Ghost, Ghost, Pumpkin", he found his opportunity to scream. Van Gogh threw himself on the ground and threw a humdinger of a fit. The other kids looked at him briefly, shrugged, and went back to their game. He has thrown so many fits by now they are mostly immune to it. Plus, since we were outside in a large field, his noise level was greatly diminished. The parents who had come along with us? Were horrified and all looked at me as if to say "WTF?" I took Van Gogh over to a quieter part of the field, got him to stop screaming, and reminded him that if he could not pull himself together I would need to call Mrs. Pop to come get him (yes, it is an option when we are that close to school!). Fortunately that was enough of a threat to get Van Gogh to mostly hold his shit together for the remainder of the day.

Princess was delighted to have her mother along on our trip. I was actually pretty pleased too because Queen Mum has turned out to be a fairly reliable helper. She counts heads nearly as frequently as I do, is happy to tie shoes, and is not at all grossed out by a kid in desperate need of a tissue. However, having Queen Mum along allowed me to see a whole new side of Princess. Her dainty little tootsies got tired, so tired and she wanted Mum to carry her back from the pumpkin field. When Mum refused, pointing out that everyone else was walking just fine, Princess screwed up her face and let out a wail that would put a fire truck to shame. Queen Mum's face immediately flushed and she scooped Princess up, saying in a flustered tone "there, ok, stop crying, Mummy's here, it's ok, please Princess don't cry!" I walked ahead, unable to make eye contact because I knew if I did all sorts of icky judgemental statements were going to pour out of my mouth. When we reached the field where the bus was parked Queen Mum set Princess back on her feet and muttered "You wouldn't throw a fit like that if I wasn't here" and I couldn't resist. Staring at Princess with my best teacher glare I said "No, she wouldn't, because she KNOWS I won't put up with it!" Princess had the grace to look embarrassed and Queen Mum flushed again. Princess threw another royal tantrum at the park because Queen Mum had the audacity to sit beside her at the picnic table with a sandwich that Princess found offensive (mind y0u, no one was asking Princess to partake of the sandwich, Mum was eating it, but Princess had to LOOK at it and that was revolting!). Princess screamed, cried, and ordered Queen Mum to go sit by someone else or throw her sandwich away. Queen Mum sighed and moved to another table.

Toddler Girl was confused by the whole day and wound up in my lap on the bus ride. True to her developmental age, riding in a vehicle has a soothing effect on her and in the 10 or so minutes it took us to get from the farm to the pumpkin patch she had fallen asleep, head on my leg, hand curled in mine, thumb in her mouth. I felt like such a meanie waking her up and she was a little zombie staggering off the bus, but she snapped back quickly. Overall she did much better than I had expected and stuck close to my side for most of the day. However in the end the excitement and exhaustion got the better of her and she wound up biting one of the other children on the arm and having to be taken away by the principal. Luckily (I think) it happened after we had arrived back at school so I didn't have to call anyone to come get her. Neither she, nor the child she bit, could give me any reason for the biting. The other child kept saying, in a completely perplexed tone, "I was just walking in front of her in the line and she grabbed my arm and bit me. I didn't do nothing to her!"

Southern Belle was just parched and told me approximately seventy-billion times that she was sooooooooooooo thirsty and didn't I have ANYTHING she could drink? Finally I said to her, in my "I'm going to be extra calm because I want to bite your head off right now" voice "Southern Belle? Do I have a drink in my hand? No? Do you think I have a drink in my pocket? No? Can I snap my fingers and get you a drink? No? Honey, I KNOW you are thirsty. You have told me many many times. I promise I will get you a drink as soon as I can. Now please stop telling me because there is nothing I can do for you right now." She then resorted to doing her throat clutching, painful dry swallowing, tears hovering in eyes bit - I think the child has a grand future in the theater!

Thing One was out of his gourd with excitement that his step-mom, little sister, and twin brother were all on the field trip too. He was actually mostly good, which surprised me. Step-Mom is loving but very strict and he is generally well behaved when she is around. His only difficult moment came in the pumpkin field. I had selected three possibilities for the children to vote for us to take home and there was a clear cut winner. Unfortunately it was not the pumpkin Thing One voted for and this was clearly a miscarriage of justice in his eyes. He stomped his feet, bellowed, and told me very defiantly that he was picking THAT pumpkin, we WERE taking it back to school, and he didn't CARE what the other kids wanted! To which I responded "Do we need to go talk to Step-Mom about that?" Thing One did an immediate about face, decided the other pumpkin was just fine after all, grabbed my hand and declared "I love you Mrs. Kindergarten! Please don't tell Step-Mom, ok?" Love you too Thing One and I won't rat you out this time!

Written out like this, it doesn't seem so bad. In the moment I felt like I was on Candid Camera, all those parents watching and all those kids crying and going nuts! I wish I could share the class picture we took at the pumpkin patch - it sums the day up perfectly. Princess is crying because she doesn't WANT to take a picture. Toddler Girl is looking off blankly to the left, Van Gogh and Thing One are screaming at each other about who gets to stand next to the scarecrow, Southern Belle is holding her throat with a pained expression, and the other children's expressions range from stunned to completely zoned out - not a smile in the bunch!

Southern Belle

2008-10-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

I got a new friend last week, to be affectionately called Southern Belle. She just moved her from Florida and bless her heart, these Midwestern falls are too darn cold for her! She spends all day shivering, telling me eleventy-seven times that she is "cawld", and pulling her jacket a little tighter around her frail little shoulders. Meanwhile those of us who have always lived in this neck of the woods feel like we are enjoying a unseasonably balmy fall, with temps still in the high 70s and low 80s every afternoon. What is poor Southern Belle going to do when winter arrives? Especially if we have severe winter storms like the last couple of years! Can she survive 17+ inches of snow in 24 hrs topped by 4 inches of ice?

Southern Belle is a sweet girl, with excellent manners. I was actually raised by my grandmother, a former Southern Belle herself, and those good manners that are drilled into children in the South (yes ma'am, no sir, please, thank you, etc) are much more important to me than to most of my Midwest counterparts. So the fact that Southern Belle actually THANKS me for handing her a worksheet, and says "please may I go use the restroom ma'am?" makes me want to hold her up in front of the rest of the class and say "See this? THIS is what y'all are supposed to act like!"

However, Southern Bell does have her annoying little foibles. First and foremost, she is really not that interested in making friends with the other children. She would much rather follow me around, asking a zillion questions, and observing intently whatever it is I might be doing (even if I'm just idly standing there supervising recess). I try to tell myself that she's still new, she's intimidated by the other kids, and that as the oldest child who's younger siblings are both under 2 (which means she was an only child until recently) she is just more used to interacting with adults. Still, I find myself mildly annoyed when I trip over her for the 14th time that day and gently-but-firmly urging her to go find someone to play with. Someone? Anyone? Baby girl, I'm not your friend, I'm your teacher! Southern Belle's other somewhat annoying tendency is a true southern belle trait of being a fragile little flower. When she is thirsty, she cannot wait, she must have water right now or she will grasp her throat, swallow with contorted expressions of pain, and look at me with such distress in her eyes you would think she had just crossed the Sahara without a canteen. When she is hungry she will tell me approximately seven million times in this faint voice "My, Mrs. Kindergarten, I am just sooooooooo hungry! How much longer did you say it was until lunch?" When informed that lunch is still an hour away she rubs her belly with an anxious expression and says forlornly "alright.... I'll try to wait" as if there were any other option.

The other children just aren't quite certain what to make of Southern Belle. They were so excited to get a new friend in our class and for the first few days everyone wanted to be near her, play with her, soak in her new-ness. But as she has gently rebuffed them - no, I don't care to play right now, thank you - they have wandered off, losing interest. Now that Southern Belle has emerged from her shell a bit and is ready to make some friends the other girls are unsure of her and not as welcoming as before. I'm watching from a distance right now to see if they can resolve it without too many hurt feelings before I step in.

If I can find time tomorrow I want to write about the field trip we took this week and why I have vowed to never take this particular group of children off school property again!

Weekly Update, lazy version

2008-10-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a bit low this weekend - not sick, not depressed, just lazy and unwilling to do much thinking. So I'm going to take the easy way out. Instead of introducing a new friend, some updates on those already on the blog.

Toddler Girl FINALLY got pulled by the SPED teacher for testing. SPED brought her back after the first day of tests, poked her head in the door, rolled her eyes dramatically and said "No doubt, Mrs. Kindergarten, no doubt! She's going to be mine!" I'm now trying to keep the SPED ball rolling so that we can have all the testing done, all the paperwork filled out, all our ducks in a row before Parent/Teacher conferences the last week of Oct. Then I'll schedule her mother for a double conference time (30 mins instead of 15) and we will lay it all out for her. Or at least, that's my nefarious plan! I spoke briefly to a friend who also happens to be the Parents as Teachers facilitator who served Toddler Girl prior to school and she filled me in on some background I didn't know. Apparently Toddler Girl attended the preschool program at the Christian school two towns over last year and was kicked out because the teacher found her "completely unmanageable". To which I say bull - she's a handful, she requires near constant attention, and she can be a PITA, but not unmanageable. You just have to treat her like the 2-3 yr old that she is (mentally, anyway) and if you always keep it in the back of your mind that you are dealing with a toddler, not a kindergartner, then you will be fine. Of course - and yes, I know I'm being intolerant here - that particular "teacher" has absolutely no college hours, no credentials, and no previous teaching experience. As a matter of fact, prior to becoming a preschool teacher she had been one of our secretaries for years and years.

Thing One had a horrible day on Thursday and wound up being removed from my room by Mr. Pip. Ever since I put him on the behavior contract, and daily behavior report, he has really tried to "be good" and keep his card green. And most days he manages it with great success. However Thursday he returned from Art with a note in his hand - never a good sign! It seems that as the class was lining up to leave Thing One pushed his way into the middle of the line so that he could stand by a particular friend. Of course all the children behind he immediately started roaring in protest and Mrs. Art told him to go to the end of the line. Thing One screamed at her that he wouldn't, he was going to stand by Friend! So Mrs. Art wrote me a note, explaining what had happened, and requesting that Thing One flip a card for his behavior. Thing One handed me the note, watched me read it, and then threw himself on the floor in an all-out tantrum. Screams of "I don't WANT to flip a card! Mom will be MAD at me! I WON'T!" echoed up and down the hall as Thing One flailed, kicked, and all but frothed at the mouth. I waited for him to take a breath and then quickly interjected "Thing One! Stop it or I will call the principal to come get you!" He eyeballed me speculatively for a moment and decided to call my bluff by continuing his tantrum. Stepping over him (he was laying in the threshold of my classroom door) I buzzed the office and asked if any available administrator could please come to my room and take Thing One to calm down. Meanwhile the other children are huddled on our circle carpet, watching with wide eyes and bated breath. Thing One, realizing he had lost his audience, got up and moved into the room, where he threw himself into the rocking chair in my reading center, and continued his tantrum. I glanced down the hall, saw Mr. Pip emerge from the office, and said brightly to the others "Ok, let's go take a break!" which is teacher-speak for using the bathroom and getting a drink. In the hall I handed Mrs. Art's note to Mr. Pip, said sotto-voice "he's in full blown tantrum mode in my room" and then smiled sunnily at my worried little friends, trying to reassure them the adults were going to make everything better. Mr. Pip went into my room and then came back out, escorting a loudly sobbing Thing One up the hall. Thing One was gone for well over an hour and when he came back he was a much subdued little fellow. I had the joy of writing a note to Mom explaining briefly what had happened. Ironically if he would have just moved to the end of the line when Mrs. Art told him, without the verbal grandstanding, the whole situation could have been avoided!

Van Gogh had an unremarkable week. He has been working hard on controlling his outbursts and I have been giving him lots and lots of praise for being able to deal with frustration without screaming, kicking, or crying. He even removed himself to the quiet desk a time or two, when he knew he was about to lose it, which made me so proud of him!

Friday was our Fall Party. We have it at the beginning of October for two reasons - first, they have been in school long enough to have internalized most of the rules and I can relax a little and second, it's as far as possible from the "evil" Halloween. Oh the joys of living in the Bible Belt! When I first started teaching we had half-day Halloween parties, complete with a costume parade and contest. Now, because of so many parent complaints, we have insipid "Fall Parties" instead, and are discouraged from even mentioning Halloween too much. Blah! Anyway, as Fall Parties go, this one was a big hit! We had pizza, brownies, and organic chocolate chip cookies (most of the kids took one bite, made a horrible face, and threw those away!) along with apple juice for our snack. The mom in charge of games did a leaf craft project with them and then played a walking relay race and was even smart enough to have prizes for everyone at the end! The kids had fun without getting too wild, the room wasn't a total disaster after it was over, and I got to meet a couple of moms I had not met before. All in all, a success I'd say!

Oh! And I'm happy to report that Robby's leg seems all better and he made it through the week with minimal complaints. So I guess it was worth 3 of my precious 8 sick days to stay home with him and be a mom, right?

So that's the latest news from the trenches. Hey, if anyone is actually reading, would you do me a huge favor and leave a comment? Even if it's just "I'm here". I don't mind if I'm just writing for myself, but am curious if I have any readers at all...

A Rough Week

2008-09-28T05:53:00.000-07:00

I don't have an update on any of my little friends, because I barely saw them this week.

Monday was a teacher inservice day, so no students at school. Tuesday Robby, my 4 yr old, became suddenly and severely ill with a "common childhood illness" that I had never heard of - and after 10+ years of teaching small children, I thought I knew them all. We spent 5 hours having tests down at the closest hospital Tuesday afternoon, only to be told "well, we've eliminated X and Y, so it must be Z!" HATE that, when the doctors don't really know what's wrong with my kid but won't admit it! Wednesday Robby seemed a bit better, so we headed back to school - big mistake, because Thursday morning he was twice as sick as before and I wound up missing Thursday and Friday to nurse him. The good news is, I'm sure he's finally on the mend and we will all be able to go back to school tomorrow!

Will, my 6 yr old, was initially quite ticked off that HE had to go to school while Robby got to stay home with Mom. Then I dangled the offer of riding the bus - something Will has wanted to do since preK, but never been allowed because there isn't anyone home when the bus hits our neighborhood! - in front of him and that suddenly made it much better. Isn't it funny what kids see as an awesome experience? I H-A-T-E-D riding the school bus every day, got picked on incessantly, and was often left without a seat because I was the last one on each morning and intensely unpopular. Will? Finds the whole bus thing fun beyond words, especially that he has a "bus buddy" and an assigned seat.

So today I get to go over and see just what a disaster is left after 2 days of emergency subs! I did, of course, run over Thursday night to scan the note that day's sub had left and put out things for the Friday sub, so I have some inkling of what I'm going to see. The problem is, the kids had Sub A when I had to leave in the middle of the day on Tuesday - the school nurse insisted Robby had to be examined by a doctor immediately! - Sub B on Thursday and Sub C on Friday, which is never a good thing!

I can only imagine how Van Gogh and Thing 1 melted down in the face of 3 different subs. As for my little girl who responds to any change or stress by making herself puke - frankly, I emailed her mother and told her I was going to be gone those 2 days, in the unspoken hope she would just keep Pukey home! The sub had enough to deal with between Toddler Girl, Van Gogh, and Thing 1, he/she didn't need to listen to gag-gag-hurl two or three times a day!

So that's been my week. I'm sure the kids will be glad to see me on Monday... at least until I tell them I'm going to be gone again in just a few days to take Will to a doctor's appointment!

Double Trouble

2008-09-21T06:05:00.000-07:00

One of this year's friends is half of a set of identical twins. I have Thing 1 and my coworker down the hall has Thing 2. Honestly, I sort of got lucky here, because Thing 1 is a whiny, tattle-tailing, immature, easily over stimulated bundle of irritation, but Thing 2 is aggressive, defiant, and incessantly loud. Yeah, if I have to have one of Double Trouble, I'll stick with Thing 1, thanks!

Thing 1 came to me via the special ed preschool program. Kindergarten is either his 3rd or 4th year in our school (I can't remember if he had 2 years with SPED or 1). I think it was 1 year of exclusively SPED, 1 year of 1/2 time SPED and 1/2 time regular PreK, and now me. Regardless, the point is, you would think by now Thing 1 would have some clue of how to behave at school. You would think WRONG, my friend, so wrong!

Let me digress for a moment to say, if you aren't actually that familiar with 5 and 6 year old children, they are some of the most black and white thinkers in the world. There are no shades of gray for the typical K kid. Which is what makes it so hard for them to accept others like Toddler Girl, who's entire life is pretty much gray scale. Thing 1 = the king of black and white!

So, needless to say, Toddler Girl drives Thing 1 batty! Thing 1 will not sit by, line up by, stand by, play by, be by Toddler Girl EVER. If he accidentally winds up within 4 feet of her he starts backing away, loudly saying "Oh NO! I am NOT by HER! I don't LIKE HER!" Thing 1 and I have had numerous conversations about Thumper's Rule (if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all) and about how he might need to think those things about Toddler Girl but he shouldn't let them come out of his mouth. Doesn't really help, because Thing 1 has this stream-of-consciousness verbal diarrhea going on most of the time. Truly, he likes to narrate his day, although I'm not sure if he does it for his own benefit or the rest of us. So, Toddler Girl and Thing 1, not a good combo.

Then we consider the dynamic of Thing 1 and Van Gogh. Thing 1 and Van Gogh were not in the same PreK class, although they know each other from the playground and some combined class activities. Thing 1 really enjoys the sound of Van Gogh's screams. Thing 1 will go out of his way to find ways to make Van Gogh scream and cry. Remember when I said Van Gogh lost his f'ing mind because someone kicked over his block tower, resulting in an earsplitting tantrum and the sudden appearance of Mrs. Pop? Yeah, that would be our buddy Thing 1! Thing 1 will argue with Van Gogh simply for the sake of arguing, so a conversation between them might be VG: I have a dragon toy! T1: No you don't! VG: Yes I do! T1: No you don't - until VG starts to bellow. So, Van Gogh and Thing 1, not a good combo.

Thing 1 loves to find reasons to tattle on others, tattles which are always told in this drawn out, high pitched whine that makes me want to shove sharp pencils through my ear drums. Toddler Girl is his favorite tattling subject and an easy target, although he's an equal opportunity tattler. He frequently advises me that I should make the subject of his tattles flip a card, although having to flip a card himself is a sure trip to Tantrum City. And honestly - Thing 1 flips a fair amount of cards, mostly because he cannot keep his hands, feet, and all other objects to himself!

On Thursday of this week Thing 1 took home an unhappy note from me. He'd had a rough week, with lots of cards flipped for hitting, kicking, pushing, and generally being physically aggressive. In his defense, he is 1 of 5 children in his 2 combined families, 1 of a set of twins, and has an older sibling with severe autism - I think being physically aggressive might be a defense mechanism at home! That aside, he has got to cut it out at school. So I sent home a note. As it happened, the day I wrote the note had been a rough day across the board in our classroom and I had invited Mrs. Pop in to talk to my class at the end of the day about not hitting, kicking, pinching, etc. As she was talking Thing 1 pulled a toy car out of his backpack and began to play with it, rather loudly. I shook my head and frowned at him, he smiled sweetly and ran his car along the arm of the girl next to him. I reached down and took the car - Thing 1 began to scream. "I want my car!" he wailed. Mrs. Pop stopped, frowned, and said sternly "Thing 1! I am TALKING! You need to be quiet and listen!" "I want my car!" "Thing 1! QUIET!" "I WANT MY CAR!!!" At that point Mrs. Pop (gently) stood him up and removed him from my room. We could hear his screams echoing down the hall as she marched him to her office. I was now faced with the unpleasant task of telling whichever of his adults was picking him up that day that he was in the Principal's office and he/she would need to go retrieve him. As it happened, both mom and step-mom were there (they have an amazingly cordial relationship) and both sighed in unison and apologized.

The next day Thing 1 handed me a note back from his mother. She apologized again, assured me that all 4 of his parents had talked to him about it, and asked if I had any suggestions to help control his behavior. What? Parental support? No excuses? Blow my mind why don't you? Anyway, I promptly wrote back and told her that Thing 1 had just had an especially hard week, I still thought he was a sweet and wonderful kid (which he is, under the whining and all) and that my suggestion was that, for now, I would send home a behavior note each day. It's a little form I have that lists all the card colors, has boxes to write in why cards were flipped, and a place to indicate whether the child received a warning first, whether he/she went to the safe seat, to the time out room, or to the office. Thing 1 and I talked about it as well (he told me repeatedly he didn't WANT a behavior note, like that was going to stop me!) and I popped the first of what I am sure will be many in his folder.

Thing 1 does have some redeeming qualities, ones that keep me from shutting him in the closet "by accident" each morning. He's an extremely loving child, with lots of hugs to share and he loves to hold hands with almost anyone (Toddler Girl and Van Gogh aside). He tries really hard to do his work and doesn't give up easily, no whining that it's too hard or he doesn't want to do it. He's cute as a button - huge dark blue eyes in a freckled face topped by dark brown hair. He loves to be read to and wants to snuggle down with me and a book whenever we have a free moment. And he really, really, really wants to be good and is sorry when he is in trouble. Not sorry enough not to do it again, but truly sorry and sad that I am upset with him. He's not all bad, by a long shot, and I have a soft spot for him. I just don't want him to know that!

In other news, Toddler Girl's SPED testing is supposed to be completed this week ('bout freaking time! Drag your feet much there SPED?) and I'm rubbing my hands in glee at the thought of having a break from her during the day. My chat with the class about helping her and being kind has helped somewhat, in that the tattles have decreased and a couple of the girls are mother-henning her as I had hoped. She still takes up a disproportionate amount of my time each day, but we are doing the best we can.

Van Gogh had a rough week as well (think it was something in the air?) and did not manage to keep his card green 1 day all week. Which was very upsetting to him, because he only needs one more punch on his good behavior ticket to get into the treasure box. Darn that mean ol' Mrs. Kindergarten and her stupid rules about not hitting/kicking/screaming in people's faces!

And Princess? Not much to report there. Queen Mum somehow found my school email address (I'm just glad it wasn't the home one!) and now emails me on a near daily basis with questions, concerns, comments, etc. Ah well, emails are easy than phone calls, right?

So that's it for this week's update. I'm not quite sure which friend I want to write about next week. I'll have to watch for any interesting stories to crop up!

Updates

2008-09-14T10:49:00.000-07:00

Yick. I've spent the whole week coughing my lungs out, sneezing gobs of gunk, and running low grade fevers. Did I take a day or two off to recover? Hell no! I only get 8 sick days and 2 personal days per school year and I do not use them for myself!! I have Will and Robby to think about here and the many many illnesses they will contract over the course of a school year. What about those poor innocent kids in my class that I am probaby passing the illness to? Well, I figure I probably got it from one of them in the first place, so turn about is fair play!

Rather than introduce a new friend this week, I want to update on the ones previously introduced.

Princess - the whole lunch drama has me ready to pull out my hair! Queen Mum told me I was to check Princess' lunchbox each day - if she had a drink, then it was a "full lunch" from home. If there was no drink, then it was a "supplement" and she needed to take a tray as well. This worked for about 3 days, until Princess (mad that Mum was making her take a tray on a day she didn't want to) sneaked her own drink into the lunchbox and threw me completely off. Queen Mum called me that afternoon, raging that Princess had not taken a tray, and then completely mortified when we figured out what Princess had done. I finally made up 2 cards - one that says "Princess has a lunch from home today" with a picture of lunchbox on it and one that says "Princess needs a tray today" on it. Queen Mum puts the correct card in Princess' folder each morning, I check for it as soon as Princess gets to class, and there are no more questions or tears about what is happening at lunch that day. Still a PITA, but less so that having to inspect her lunchbox for a drink each day. The whole "supplement" has become an issue, as now other children want to bring snacks to take to lunch as well and it's officially against school policy. So I've been put in the very uncomfortable position of telling them "Well, Princess can, but you can't. Why? Um..... Because her Mum made a deal with Mrs. Pop. Sorry."

Van Gogh - I am almost out of patience with this little man. The incessant crying, shrieking, whining, yelling is enough to drive you batty. He only has 1 friend in class and is convinced he has sole proprietary rights to this child. If Friend tries to play with anyone else Van Gogh throws a monster tantrum and wails "You are never my friend again!!!!" Of course three minutes later he's by the boy's side, begging to play with him. The friend is remarkably tolerant of this, but I'm not sure how long that tolerance will last. Van Gogh threw a screaming fit at the end of recess Friday because "he didn't get long enough to play" - and no, he doesn't care that he got the same amount of time as everyone else - and I snapped at him "Are you hurt? No? Then KNOCK IT OFF!" To my utter surprise he turned off the tears and screaming immediately, like a light switch being flipped. Not a moment I'm proud of as a teacher, but apparently what works for him.

Toddler Girl - they finally completed her initial speech and language evaluation on Monday and she has the verbal skills of a 2.5 yr old. I did her baseline evaluation on Thursday and she can count to 3, knows 4 out of 10 colors, does not recognize any letters or numbers, and cannot find her name written on a page with 2 other words that start with the same letter. This is the same baseline evaluation I do with all the K kids in September, not something special I did just for her. The good news is, she is finally able to sit somewhat quietly on the carpet with us during whole group activities, and is doing markedly less hitting than 2 weeks ago. On Friday I had the guidance counselor take her out of the room for half an hour to play some games while we had a class meeting. Without using her name - although the children knew who I was talking about - I led a discussion about how one of our friends was having a hard time learning how to act at school, in part because she had never been to preschool, daycare, or Head Start, and how we all needed to help her learn to follow the rules. We talked about how sad it makes me to see people say and do mean things to her and how much she wants to play with them, she just doesn't know how to do it. We also talked about how it isn't really helpful to me for them to tell on her every time she lays down on the carpet, sits up on her rest mat, or walks beside the line instead of in the line. I can see and hear her just as well as they can and don't really need 15 little reporters telling me every time.I hopefully sparked some mother-hen feelings in a few of my little girls - for the first time I saw them trying to include her in their games at recess. Toddler Girl was THRILLED when they invited her to swing with them. I'll do the best I can to keep stirring up support for her, although she undermines me when she does things like lean over and snap her teeth at the girl swinging next to her!

Next weekend I'll introduce my buddy Double Trouble, arch enemy of Toddler Girl!

weekend update postponed

2008-09-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

Ugh, my goal was to write at least one post a week, probably on the weekends. However this weekend I am sick as a dog (what does that expression mean, anyway?) with a racking cough, fever hovering around 101, and sinus pressure that makes my head feel 1,000 lbs heavy and like it is being squeezed in a vise. So, hang tight, and I'll post when I feel somewhat human again.

The Toddler

2008-08-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write about this friend since the first day or two of school, but have hesitated because I just don't know how to approach it. She's a darling little sprite of a girl, with tangled brown hair, huge brown eyes, and toothpick thin arms and legs. The youngest of seven, she has been at home with Mom her entire life and has never even been left with a babysitter outside of immediate family members. She has an engaging grin, a mischievous sense of fun, and a thin piping little voice. She also functions on the level of a 2 year old.

Toddler Girl cannot sit in a chair. She crawls all over it, crawls under the table, dances beside it, but does not sit. Toddler Girl interacts with the other children by pinching, poking, waving her hands in their faces, doing whatever she can to provoke them. She then giggles when they start to yell. Toddler Girl cannot write, trace, or recognize her name and still holds a crayon with a fist grip. She tries to eat the play dough, draws on the walls and posters, and pours sand on the floor. The other children are quickly turning on her. If they were a bunch of chickens they would all be gathered around pecking Toddler Girl to death right about now. It's almost impossible for me to drum up feelings of acceptance and support for her when she undermines me at every turn by snatching toys, scratching the others, or coloring on their papers and then laughing in delight when they start to shriek in fury.

Because Toddler Girl had absolutely no interactions with anyone associated with the school before walking into my classroom that early Monday morning, no one knew of her developmental delays. And her mother is completely in denial, telling us over and over that it's all because her older brothers and sisters do everything FOR her, that she will catch up now that she's away from them. I don't know how to tell Mom that she is wrong and Toddler Girl needs way more help than I can give her in a class of nearly 20 other kids.

Everyone at the school is in agreement, Toddler Girl is headed for the special ed program. But because Mom is fighting us, it is going to take a while. So I may be babysitting her for another month or so. In the meantime, I have to come up with a way to help the other children accept her for who she is and what she can do. I've been making a point of trying to spend some of each day's centers time playing with Toddler Girl. This serves a two-fold purpose. It allows me to model interactive play for her (right now, like any 2 year old, she mostly engages in parallel play). It also draws other children over, because fewer things are more tempting to the average K kid than a chance to play with the teacher. Once I get a little group playing around Toddler Girl I try to ease myself out of the picture and observe. Unfortunately, as soon as I depart the play tends to fall apart because Toddler Girl will snatch a toy from someone, knock down a tower they were building, or smash their play-dough creation and then giggle with delight at the reaction.

Our standard discipline plan at school involves a pocket of colored cards and a misbehaving child being told to move his/her card to the next color. Each color has a specific consequence, most of which involve missing varying amounts of recess or centers time. This is completely ineffective for Toddler Girl, as she cannot remember why she has flipped her cards and is now devastated to miss play time. In her eyes I am just being mean and making her sit when others play, there is absolutely no connection between "well, I pinched Sally during morning circle, so now I'm missing 5 mins of recess an hour later". I am probably going to have to suspend flipping cards with her and simply send her straight into time out for misbehavior.

Van Gogh finds Toddler Girl particularly irritating and I spend much of my day trying to keep the two as far apart as possible. She LOVES his over-the-top screaming reactions to her incessant teasing, poking, and bothering and is absolutely delighted if she can send him off his nut into a raging tantrum. I actually went so far on Thursday as to corner Van Gogh, a very bright boy, and say pointedly "You do not go into a center where Toddler Girl is. If she comes into the center where you are, you need to move. She loves making you scream and when you scream you get in trouble. STAY AWAY from Toddler Girl!" Horrible of me, I know, but if she keeps provoking him Van Gogh is going to wind up crossing the line and hurting her. So far his outbursts this year have been confined to screaming and crying fits, but I know from his preschool teacher that if he is pushed far enough he will erupt physically.

Needless to say, I have my hands completely full with this class. And there are so many other friends I haven't introduced yet!

Week One

2008-08-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

I've finished my first week with this new class and, oh my! Do I have a cast of characters for this year!

Basic stats - 16 total, 9 boys and 7 girls. Two with asthma, two who have already been dx with ADD/ADHD, one who has mild mental retardation and needs to be in special ed (working on that!), one that came to me from the special ed preschool but doesn't score low enough to stay in special ed, one that cries until she pukes when Mom drops her off in the morning, and one who has anger management issues (to put it mildly!). There is a huge age variance in this group - 1/4 of them will be 6 before October, over 1/2 of them have birthdays in April, May and June.

Today I want to introduce my friend with anger management issues. Let's call him Van Gogh. Why? Well, he's unstable, easily irritated, prone to outrageous fits of screaming and throwing things, but also a very talented artist who is most at peace when drawing or creating.

Van Gogh came through our preschool program, which means Kindergarten is his second year in the public school system. Thank God for his wonderful, patient, and firm preschool teacher because she weathered the worst of his behavioral storms. In preschool he was known for throwing screaming, kicking, writhing tantrums and had to be removed from the classroom on several occasions because he could not pull it back together. On the last day of preschool, angry that he was missing a few minutes of recess as punishment for some bad behavior, he removed his glasses, snapped them in 1/2, threw them on the ground, and stomped on them. Yes, a delightful child indeed!

Van Gogh is a walking reminder of how self centered a 5 year old child truly is. More than once this week I would call on him to answer a question, listen to and validate his answer, then call on someone else to answer the next question only to have him whine and cry because HE didn't get called on again. At then end of centers time the first day he actually threw a crayon at me because he didn't want to stop working on the picture he was making. But yesterday, the Friday of the first week, we saw our first all out fit.

Van Gogh was in his second favorite center, building a large blocks tower with his only friend. I had issued several warnings that is was almost clean up time (mostly for Van Gogh's benefit, he needs 5, 2 and 1 minute warnings so that he can shift gears without melting down) then flicked the lights off and on in our established "clean up now" signal. Van Gogh yelled across the room for me to come see the tower he and his friend had built. Before I could get there one of my other little guys ran over and kicked the tower, knocking it to the ground. To put it mildly, Van Gogh lost his f'ing mind! Threw himself on the fallen tower, screaming incoherently at the top of his lungs, tears pouring down his face. The boy who had kicked the tower froze, hands clamped over his ears, and stared at Van Gogh in panicked disbelief. I crouched down, put one hand on the kicker's leg to keep him there, and started rubbing Van Gogh's back while loudly saying his name. After about 30 ear splitting seconds he paused for a breath and I quickly interjected "Van Gogh! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" Yes, I know that sounds harsh, but his preschool teacher had assured me it was the best way to get him to stop screaming long enough to get him to talk/listen to you. Van Gogh shifted from screams to more moderate sobbing and kept saying "But I wanted to show it to you and HE kicked it!" I assured him I understood his frustration, had the other boy apologize and help Van Gogh clean up the mess, and was just starting to stand up when a hand fell on my shoulder.

Remember that I have christened my assistant principal Mrs. Pop for her lovely habit of popping in when least expected or wanted? Guess who's hand that was? You got it, there stands an appalled looking Mrs. Pop, asking if I needed any help. Apparently the office had buzzed down on the intercom to tell me something, heard Van Gogh in full tantrum, tracked down Mrs. Pop from where ever she happened to be, and sent her to my room at a run. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the support and I am sure there will be times this year that Van Gogh will need to have a heart-to-heart with Mrs. Pop, but at this moment all I could think was "I JUST got him calmed down and if he sees you he is going to freak out again!" Sure enough, as soon as Van Gogh saw her standing there he started to cry again, just cry thank God not scream his head off, and she took him to a quiet part of the room for a little talk. Whatever she said to him must have worked, because the tears dried up *likethat* and he docilely went back to cleaning up the blocks.

So we add Van Gogh to the list of interesting characters populating my classroom this year. And I add his real name to the increasingly lengthy list of things I will never name a child of my own!

Fresh new faces

2008-08-16T07:03:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I was right, summer wasn't the right time to start my blog. I wound up doing my damnest to forget that school even existed over the summer, instead focusing on Will and Robby and reveling in the SAHM part of my year.

But it's now 2 weeks before Labor Day and in my district, that means school bells are a-ringing! We had Open House last week and 75% of my incoming class managed to toddle in, accompanied by older siblings, parents, grandparents, and assorted other family and friends to meet me, see our classroom, and put away those new school supplies. Or... rather, the less than half that actually brought their school supplies put them away. The others made vague promises about shopping this weekend and having things on Monday. Methinks I had better stock up this weekend so I have extras on hand to share with my new friends!

After only a few minutes with each family I can see some interesting stories coming from this class. In the spirit of keeping my blog as non-specific as possible, my new friends will all get nicknames this year - at least the ones that do something blog-worthy. First up - Princess. Or, as she would say it, Pwintheth.

Princess is a tiny blonde little fairy, who flits around the room eagerly examining the toys while her mother corners me to tell me exactly how Princess' year is going to go. Topic #1 - Lunch. Princess is a picky eater you see, extremely picky, and Mother is afraid Princess is going to starve herself to death over the course of a school day. There are only 4 or 5 foods Princess will allow across her cherry red lips, so Mother will be packing her lunch each day. BUT! The family qualifies for free lunch and Mother doesn't want that food to go to waste. SO! Princess will also need to take a lunch tray each day, just in case there is anything on it she might want to eat. At this point I stopped Mother, in complete disbelief, and said slowly "So..... Princess will have TWO lunches each day? One from home and one from school?" Mother laughed a tinkly aren't-I-so-silly giggle and said "Yes, but she will probably throw most of it away!"

Sidebar - I live/work in a district where nearly 75% of our kids qualify for free or reduced lunch prices. I know damn good and well that for some of these kids, that school provided breakfast and lunch is the best meal they get all day. Many of them clean their plates and ask wistfully for seconds, knowing I can't actually get them extra helpings. In addition to that, with soaring food prices worldwide there are children starving to death every minute of every day. But Princess is going to have 2 lunches every day, most of which she will throw away? Are you f'ing kidding me? Anyway, back to my conversation with Queen Mother.

Topic #2 - Princess' cell phone. Sadly, I don't mean a toy cell phone, or even a non-working real phone her mother has given her to play with. No, Princess has a real, functional cell phone that will be in her backpack each day "in case of emergencies". I asked Mother exactly what emergencies she thought might come up that would require Princess to have access to her very own phone. She waved her hands around and said "Well, her father is deployed right now and there were all those school shootings a few years ago and, well, um.... she just has it! But she knows not to play with it!" I thought for a moment and then told Mother I supposed it was alright for Princess to have under, under the condition that I never saw or heard it. But if it is out, being played with, shown off, or used in a non-emergency OR if it starts ringing during the school day and interrupts my lessons, I will be confiscating it and taking it to the principal's office where Mother will have to get it back herself.

Sidebar, again - What 5/6 year old needs their own cell phone? REALLY?!? I have a cell phone, which is turned off during the day so it won't ring and interrupt my class. The office has 3 separate phone lines. The bus drivers all carry cell phones AND have radio contact with the school at all times. At what point does Queen Mother think we are so going to fail her child that Princess is going to need to whip out her own cellie and call for help? As for her father being deployed, while you have my utmost sympathy and respect, how exactly does that figure into Princess' need for a phone? Are you going to call her during the day to give her updates?

The silver lining here is that Princess herself seems like a lovely child. Well spoken, well mannered, obeyed instantly when her mother called her over to meet me, made eye contact and smiled broadly. Hopefully she and I will get along splendidly and I will just nod my head as Mother continues to attempt to make me bubble wrap her world.

I met several other interesting characters, big and small, at Open House but will save their stories for future posts.

Introductions

2008-06-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

Hello!

My name, at least for the purposes of this blog, is Mrs. Kindergarten. You may however call me "Teacher" instead if that is more comfortable for you. I answer equally well to either, along with "Mom" or "Aunt Whoever" but I do draw the line at "Grandma" or "Dad".

I've decided to start this blog after getting hooked on other teacher's blogs but being unable to find one written by someone who lives in my world - aka, public school kindergarten. Since I have absolutely no desire to be "dooced" for what I write here, I'm going to do my best to keep everything just generic enough that if my tight-ass administrators ever stumble across it (not that most of them would even know what a blog was, but that's beside the point) they will not be able to be absolutely sure that it is ME writing!

So first, about me - your illustrious author! I have taught in Missouri public schools for 12 years, with 8 of those in kindergarten. I currently live and teach in a fairly small rural town somewhere in the middle portion of Missouri. In addition to my 18+ students I have 2 sons of my own. Both will be in the same building as me next year - Will in 1st grade and Robby in preK.

My coworkers - I work with a team of 5 other K teachers. Their blog-names will evolve as needed.

My administration - hooboy, do I have some doozies. The head principal is going to go by the pseudonym "Mr. Pip", chosen for his favorite threat of giving anybody who dares to have an opinion contrary to his own a Performance Improvement Plan (aka first step towards firing that person). His trusted sidekick, "Mrs. Pop", comes by her blog-name because of her devious way of popping up at exactly the wrong moment. I might have been doing a masterful and godlike job of teaching all day, but will lose my shit and start to fumble about 3 seconds before she walks in my door. Mrs. Pop's favorite phrase is "Are you sure of the policy on that?" followed by her pulling freshly made up policy out of her freaking ass. Finally there is "Eager Beaver", our school wide reading coordinator who serves as both cheerleader and narc for Pip and Pop. She straddles the fence relentlessly, trying to convince the classroom teachers she is on our side and fighting for us, but secretly dashing back to Pip and Pop to report any failure to comply with the eleventy-zillion written and unwritten policies that define our days.

This probably isn't the best time to start this blog, since we recently started our summer break, but I can entertain with stories from last year's madness as we all wait breathlessly for the opening of the 08/09 school year!